True Love and Grief and Healing

Three meaningful experiences this week, each an earthly example of Romans 8:28.

1) my son's friend was hospitalized with a life-threatening brain infection.  Very rare, very sudden, very scary.  He was taken to the ER; flown to a children's medical center 200 miles away for specialized care; he will spend at least 3 more weeks in the hospital.  Immediately the texts and facebook posts and prayer chains went out - he was in bad shape and if he recovered, would likely have mild to severe brain damage.  That was less than one week ago and today that bright 13-year-old is asking his middle school friends to visit, working a Rubik's cube, and reciting European state capitals.  According to his mom, the doctors are astounded at his recovery and his seemingly normal cognitive abilities.  The power of prayer, people.  I'm telling you it works!  Healing is underway.

2) The shooting in Charleston.  At church.  During a Bible study.  The loss of such Godly, kind and accepting people (they welcomed the shooter, a stranger, into their group for an hour before the killing began) is too much to bear.  Yet there they were - the people of Charleston - arm in arm outside that same church singing and praying and grieving together, taking an evil act and transforming it into something good - people united in praise, and their desire to see love conquer evil.  This weekend I got to visit the federal memorial at the site of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. The memorial grants an amazing and powerful experience.  I was struck by the different elements of remembrance and hope; grief and healing.  Most interesting to me was the entrance gate is marked "9:01" signifying the time of morning in which all was still normal.  Then you enter the very beautiful and solemn memorial park - and learn that the bomb went off at 9:02.  At the other end, a gate is etched "9:03" to signify the moment that "healing began."  Wow.  Immediately, people rushed in to help the survivors and the fallen.  Healing began.  Charleston seems much the same way - those families are in deep grief, but almost immediately, the community came together and -  healing began.

3) The third experience was via the James Taylor channel,  playing on XM radio.  Can you say yay??  I loved the Billy Joel channel last fall and now I'm reliving so many memories with JT.   I am a huge James Taylor fan - my memories of him begin early with my dad's 8-track player - I vividly remember the cover art (were those stickers??) on the 8-track of "Sweet Baby James."  They continued through apparently college, because a later James Taylor song called "Never Die Young" came on and I was literally transported back in time! (I've since looked it up and the album was released in 1988).   The words came to me immediately and I sang along, trying to place the feelings that the song stirred.  Oh yes, I remember... young love.  I could picture that young sweet couple he was singing about, and my dreams of being half of such a couple. It's about a boy and girl who were "glued together body and soul" despite a small town's cynicism and opinions that it couldn't last.  I've now played this song about 20 times since I rediscovered it and it alternately brings tears (for dreams unrealized) and a smile at the innocence with which I used to dream and sing.  I am at a crossroads in my marriage  - deciding whether to trust God and perhaps find that healing can begin.  If I can see Romans 8:28 (And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him) in my son's friend, and in Oklahoma City, and in Charleston, can I see it for myself?  More importantly, for my husband?  Will we will commit and work hard and discover a "love that we never could have dreamed of" - that it truly can be better and wonderful - or throw in the towel and find a different, easier path?  To be determined.  But maybe it's time to put a time stamp on the destruction and hurt, and believe that the time for healing is here.
Romans 8:28 is working in my heart and it's visible through my experiences this week.  Let's see where God takes it.

Friendship

I live in a relatively small town where it's easy to get to know people, and that means I have a lot of friends.  I've been extra thankful for them over the last 6 months.  I have friends to call when my kids need rides (ballet/volleyball/basketball anyone?), when we're having a party, when I need a favor (extra tables for a recent garage sale), when I need a volunteer for a committee I'm chairing, or when I just want someone to come help me rearrange the furniture in my living room.  I consider myself truly blessed to be surrounded by women who are smart and loving and talented and funny and each bring a special gift to my life.   Importantly, they are part of my kids' lives too.

But I have a smaller, select group who are my go-to gals.  In times of crisis, they answer texts and calls at 2 am.  For real.  There may have been a time when I would have told you that my husband was my best friend and that I didn't have time, as a working mother raising and nurturing a marriage and 3 children, to nurture friendships as well.  But I would have been wrong, and I'm so glad that I took the time to build relationships with friends along the way --  because let me tell you that when your life takes an abrupt turn it's those girls who will have your back.  And I don't mean "Girls Night Out" friends who dress up and go to the wine bar on Tuesdays to talk about shoes and wine and gripe about their husbands.    I mean real friends - no gossip, no false personas.  Real.

We've shared pots and pots and pots of coffee (ok, and the occasional margaritas and red wine, too) over celebrations (children starting kindergarten, baptisms, running our first marathon) and stresses (delays of a years-long adoption process; parents' illnesses; a son's autism; children's struggles in school; illness; marriage crises).  I used to defend my extra tummy weight by thinking of all the lattes I'd shared commiserating and counseling over friends' problems.  (Just made me a better friend, right?)

But then life hit me hard this winter when my husband was diagnosed with a mental illness.  He slowly bottomed out, had a break down, and left me to handle a busy household and children and a business while he entered (long-overdue and much-needed) treatment.  Depression, left unchecked too long, can be devastating to both the sufferer and those who love him (more on that another time).

I will tell you that my faith is the root of what got me through. It gave me a foundation and a purpose and something to hold in lonely times.  But if God was my root, my friends were the blossoms on the plant.

They delivered groceries (I will never forget those bags delivered with grocery staples but also loaded with cherry turnovers, limeade, and Voortman's sugar wafers - in every flavor.)   They sent scripture to me by text and email that landed on my phone screen at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT.  They built me up in times of doubt and uncertainty, reminding me who I am (and whose I am).   They prayed over me and for me.  They gave me just what I needed - a reminder of myself as myself - one of the girls.  They took me for lunches and dinners and coffees.  Early-morning runs when I just wanted to stay in bed.  My funniest friend stopped by and sat with me on the porch, telling funny stories and sharing neighborhood gossip ("you told me to just keep you laughing" she tells me).

I will tell my daughters - and actually my son, too - that friends are important in every stage of life.  Their wisdom, perspective, loyalty and their differences all are important in the fabric of my life.  We need them... for the celebrations, the difficulties, and just to share the ride.