In my conversations and therapeutic interactions during the past several weeks, my counselor-friend and I have touched on the subject of Grace. It brought tears to my eyes twice, in two separate conversations - one where I realized I don't give it like I think I do, and one where I realized I don't accept it, either.
2015 has been a hard, hard year for my family. For me, for my husband, for our children, and for our marriage. Tough, tough times. Through my husband's struggle with - and finally his treatment for - depression, we've had some low lows. We both need alot of grace - from God and from each other.
I think many of us fall into the trap of believing that our worth is performance-based... which means that from childhood forward many of us believe that we are only as good as our most recent achievement (and conversely, our failures). And if you believe that your worth stems from what you do - rather than just who you are - it can set you up for great pain and confusion when you face real life - with its combination of glorious successes and falling-down failures.
So when I was listing one day all the things I was ready for J to be doing again, like his "old self" - my trained friend called me out immediately and asked - "so when is it good enough? What if he stays right where he is? Is that enough? And what does God say? Doesn't God give mercy and grace right where we are...doesn't he say we're enough?"
Grace is the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it - not because of anything we've done to earn it. He loves us for who we are, not what we do or have done or will do. And we should give it as freely as we get it..... But how many people in my life believe they have to earn my love? What about my kids? Do they know that I love them not for their good grades, their behavior, their achievements...do they know that I just love them?
Then my friend stopped me in my tracks again when she asked, "what about you? Do you accept His grace? Try just stopping all you're doing and let God love you - right here, right now. Not when you get things right, not when you've finished your projects, not when you're finally "OK" (whenever that is!) -- just let Him hold you. You don't have to earn it."
Wow. She caught me. I don't accept Grace any better than I accept a compliment or a favor from a friend. But I should know better..... God loves you. He loves me. We don't have to earn his favor or Grace. We have it...freely given.
I told another friend last week - my life has had sadness, but it is not sad. I've experienced alot of pain, but my life is not painful. It is good, good, good. There's hope for a beautiful and loving and restored future. But it requires grace... the recognition of it, the giving of it, the acceptance of it.
I think many of us fall into the trap of believing that our worth is performance-based... which means that from childhood forward many of us believe that we are only as good as our most recent achievement (and conversely, our failures). And if you believe that your worth stems from what you do - rather than just who you are - it can set you up for great pain and confusion when you face real life - with its combination of glorious successes and falling-down failures.
So when I was listing one day all the things I was ready for J to be doing again, like his "old self" - my trained friend called me out immediately and asked - "so when is it good enough? What if he stays right where he is? Is that enough? And what does God say? Doesn't God give mercy and grace right where we are...doesn't he say we're enough?"
Grace is the love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it - not because of anything we've done to earn it. He loves us for who we are, not what we do or have done or will do. And we should give it as freely as we get it..... But how many people in my life believe they have to earn my love? What about my kids? Do they know that I love them not for their good grades, their behavior, their achievements...do they know that I just love them?
Then my friend stopped me in my tracks again when she asked, "what about you? Do you accept His grace? Try just stopping all you're doing and let God love you - right here, right now. Not when you get things right, not when you've finished your projects, not when you're finally "OK" (whenever that is!) -- just let Him hold you. You don't have to earn it."
Wow. She caught me. I don't accept Grace any better than I accept a compliment or a favor from a friend. But I should know better..... God loves you. He loves me. We don't have to earn his favor or Grace. We have it...freely given.
I told another friend last week - my life has had sadness, but it is not sad. I've experienced alot of pain, but my life is not painful. It is good, good, good. There's hope for a beautiful and loving and restored future. But it requires grace... the recognition of it, the giving of it, the acceptance of it.
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