Priorities, Protection, & Preparation

So I had one of those really great conversations with a friend yesterday that was spontaneous, yet connecting and authentic.  I stopped by her house to drop something off and we had a 30-minute talk that touched on authenticity, protection, preparation, but mainly - priorities.

My friend B is going through some tough stuff right now - her husband has started a new business, he's in a volunteer position that is engaged in some public controversy, and she's currently nursing her sister through recovery after surgery to repair a broken vertebrae.  So the sister has taken up residence while B and family care for her until she's able to live on her own again.  It was a reminder of how quickly life can change - and the need to be adaptable, to be prepared for life's challenges.

In addition to B's sister, and my husband's treatment for depression this year, we have another friend who's spent 2015 facing a serious illness, a friend going through a divorce, one going through a very public job change, friends who struggle with their children in school, the illness of parents, etc.  B and I talked about all the things that have happened to people we know, and how quickly life can be up-ended.  It makes us consider our priorities, where we spend our time, and are we "ready" for the challenges that will inevitably come?

First, priorities:  B and I talked about how crisis makes you want to circle the wagons... hold your family close.  Facing a crisis really makes you consider where you spend your time.    I spend alot of time with my husband and children.  Time well spent? Yes.  But I also spend alot of time on volunteer committees and boards.  Am I committed to them, do I enjoy them?  Mostly. But am I passionate about all of them?  No.  I now look at every meeting, every volunteer commitment, as an hour away from the more important priorities of my family, my friends, and my job.  So yep, need to purge some of those commitments for sure.  After all, I only have 3 more "first days of school" with my oldest two kiddos.  And, because of extra commitments this week, I'm struggling to find time to bake my best friend's annual coconut birthday cake.  And THAT has to be a priority.

I also spend alot of time in the car - driving 40 minutes round trip to the kids' school, often up to 3 or 4 times a day when you factor in pickups and drop offs and events and sports practice.  We live in our dream home right now - but there's a lovely house for sale three minutes from the school.  Moving would be a big change, but have lots of positive effects on our schedules.  Priority?  Decision to be made this week.

Next, preparation: Are we ever really "prepared" for sudden change, whether it's positive or negative? Sudden illness, sudden loss, or maybe even a golden opportunity that sneaks up?  The answer is no, and yes.  If you're in prayer, and maintain the faith that God's grace and mercy will sustain you, then you can be "prepared."  But that doesn't mean that life's challenges won't knock you to your knees, or take your breath away for a moment.  But remember  - He is close to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalms 34).  My friend B and I both lean on our faith to face those challenges, and I don't know how others can do it without that core strength and hope that comes through faith!  You can only "prepare" in the sense of knowing that life will change, it will throw you curveballs, people will hurt you, your family will suffer.  But there's always hope around the corner.

Your hope - your faith - is what gives you the "buts" in 2 Corinthians 4:  We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.  We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.  We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Our friends, our families, are all going to experience challenges and hardships.  Have those conversations with your friends, your partners, your children, your parents.... share your struggles, so others can share theirs.  If we're all authentic, all honest, we can help each other be prepared.

Forests and Fields

Ugh, so apparently I'm going to be writing about ups and downs.  We are vacationing in one of our family's favorite places - Northern Michigan, where you can have cool nights and hot days and woodland hikes and lake swimming and beach fires all rolled into one awesome week.  But as we (and I do mean "we" - it's a family experience) struggle through my husband's depression I'm reminded that it isn't going to give us a vacation reprieve.

Yesterday,  when J spent a good part of his day alone inside, away from the sunshine and family, I thought "I should write a post about tips for dealing with a spouse's depression."  But then I thought - no, that's the action-oriented side of me.  What I really needed was to READ some tips about dealing with a spouse's depression.  So that's what I did.  And it helped.  And they all said mostly the same thing.  The best was a guest article in Psychology Today by a man whose wife had averted suicide.  "Get lots of support" and "Take Care of Yourself."  I'm trying to do more of the second.  But the problem is that when you have to shoulder more than your share of family responsibility alone, it's a lonely existence.  But, I am doing more self-care, and learning to do more activities alone or with the kids (ie, if I want to do it, I just do it, I don't stay home just because J wants to).

But late in the day he rallied and we took the 3 grumbling teens for short hike through the woods to a gorgeous overlook, with sweeping views of Lake Michigan and my favorite sight - the "line where blue meets blue" - seemingly endless blue water meeting the vivid blue sky.  We took pictures (my youngest may not like hiking A WHOLE MILE but she can't resist a good instagram post), we talked and laughed and walked.  On the way back the loop trail emerged from the dim woods into a sunny field, and as the sun hit us I thought, "yes, this is a bit like our day.  Some cloudiness followed by times when I see the clearing."    I see progress in our battle with this depression, and along with the tips written by other families, I'd add - take heart when you see the sun emerge, because it's a good sign.  Encourage it.  I truly believe brighter days are ahead.