What I'm reading this summer:
Summer is the only season where I read book after book after book. And the season where I ask myself how someone who considers herself a reader and writer can go sooo long without reading a good book! (Answer to myself: schedule, work, kids, cooking, driving, sports, kids, cooking, laundry....).
Anyway, there's no reason not to have something great on your ipad or kindle at all times, while you're waiting in the carpool line or at yet another soccer practice. So here's my list of what I'm reading this summer:
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - this is heavy, but good, and her accompanying TED talk is good, too. This I'm reading for personal growth & knowledge, and it's a bit heavy, so the heaviness has to be lifted by things like....
Zero Day, The Forgotten, and The Escape by David Baldacci - these were my beach reads. I always have to have an easy-read thriller or mystery to lose myself in.
The Girl on the Train - a recommendation of my book club. It was good...with a nice twisty ending.
Dead Wake - I'm just starting this one. It's about the sinking of the Lusitania, which sounds heavy for poolside reading, but it's by Erik Larson, who wrote Devil in the White City and In the Garden of Beasts. Hubby recommended it.
The Mended Heart by Suzanne Eller. I always need one spiritual/inspirational book in my bag, so this is it for July.
In between losing myself in these goodies above, I am coaxing, pleading, arguing and threatening my kids to finish their summer reading assignments for school. Time to go check on their progress.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Pepsi Days
Through my teenage years I avoided outdoor exercise, outdoor yard work, outdoor walks, and pretty much anything OUTDOORS. I didn't like to be hot, cold, or have my beautifully aqua-netted bangs messed up. I remember days when my parents and brothers were out mowing and trimming and my attitude about helping was SO BAD that my mom pretty much left me in my room and didn't bother to have the fight it would take to get me outside. But now that I'm an adult I absolutely love, love, love to be outside in nature. And being in the mild summer temperatures of Northern Michigan means that I am walking, running or biking pretty much anywhere I need to go. Whether it's a short walk to achieve my FitBit goal for the day, a 24-mile bike trip along the paved TART trail, a woods hike up to Empire Bluff, or just reading my book on the porch, I want to be outside under the blue Michigan skies and green Michigan leaves.
When I was young (it was the 70s, I was maybe 7?) Pepsi had these awesome commercials on the air with the tagline "Have a Pepsi Day!" (Sigourney Weaver was actually featured in one; hopefully my link works and you can watch it here: (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qM3xWjKFEpU). My links never work. Just google it.
But anyway, my mom and I went off to spend the day together and she was telling me what fun we'd have and I asked "Mom, can we please have a Pepsi day?" Of course she thought that was the cutest so to this day, a super wonderful, practically perfect day is described by me as a Pepsi Day. I haven't had too many of those this year, but yesterday and today come close. And tonight, after pizza on the patio, a full day of biking and walking and hammock naps and watching J and 12-year-old C on the lake in the little boat as the sun sets, my heart is pretty full.
Friday, July 17, 2015
A day to remember
Again, we took the 3 kids (14, 14, almost 13) against their will on a 1/2 day adventure and hike and again, they ended up loving it. Picturesque town, gorgeous bluff views of Lake Michigan, and plenty of opportunities for picture-taking. I read an article somewhere this week advising on ways to get along with your teenager, and I've decided to try some of the techniques. My 3 are not into the 'terrible teen' phase at all, but their attitudes (mainly toward each other) can be NOT FRIENDLY at times. (I still prefer teens over toddlers.) So when we announced we were taking them on a short road trip and another hike I deflected the groans and eyerolls by promising photo opps (I'm telling you, they can't resist a good Instagram post) and food. So we took off and I even sat myself in the dreaded third row seat and let one of them sit up front with dad. The bluff hike was short and pretty, lunch at Joe's Friendly Tavern hit the spot, and afterward we walked to the beach before heading home. A pretty perfect day! This is a direct quote: "I loved it there!" Success. :)
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
Forests and Fields
Ugh, so apparently I'm going to be writing about ups and downs. We are vacationing in one of our family's favorite places - Northern Michigan, where you can have cool nights and hot days and woodland hikes and lake swimming and beach fires all rolled into one awesome week. But as we (and I do mean "we" - it's a family experience) struggle through my husband's depression I'm reminded that it isn't going to give us a vacation reprieve.
Yesterday, when J spent a good part of his day alone inside, away from the sunshine and family, I thought "I should write a post about tips for dealing with a spouse's depression." But then I thought - no, that's the action-oriented side of me. What I really needed was to READ some tips about dealing with a spouse's depression. So that's what I did. And it helped. And they all said mostly the same thing. The best was a guest article in Psychology Today by a man whose wife had averted suicide. "Get lots of support" and "Take Care of Yourself." I'm trying to do more of the second. But the problem is that when you have to shoulder more than your share of family responsibility alone, it's a lonely existence. But, I am doing more self-care, and learning to do more activities alone or with the kids (ie, if I want to do it, I just do it, I don't stay home just because J wants to).
But late in the day he rallied and we took the 3 grumbling teens for short hike through the woods to a gorgeous overlook, with sweeping views of Lake Michigan and my favorite sight - the "line where blue meets blue" - seemingly endless blue water meeting the vivid blue sky. We took pictures (my youngest may not like hiking A WHOLE MILE but she can't resist a good instagram post), we talked and laughed and walked. On the way back the loop trail emerged from the dim woods into a sunny field, and as the sun hit us I thought, "yes, this is a bit like our day. Some cloudiness followed by times when I see the clearing." I see progress in our battle with this depression, and along with the tips written by other families, I'd add - take heart when you see the sun emerge, because it's a good sign. Encourage it. I truly believe brighter days are ahead.
Yesterday, when J spent a good part of his day alone inside, away from the sunshine and family, I thought "I should write a post about tips for dealing with a spouse's depression." But then I thought - no, that's the action-oriented side of me. What I really needed was to READ some tips about dealing with a spouse's depression. So that's what I did. And it helped. And they all said mostly the same thing. The best was a guest article in Psychology Today by a man whose wife had averted suicide. "Get lots of support" and "Take Care of Yourself." I'm trying to do more of the second. But the problem is that when you have to shoulder more than your share of family responsibility alone, it's a lonely existence. But, I am doing more self-care, and learning to do more activities alone or with the kids (ie, if I want to do it, I just do it, I don't stay home just because J wants to).
But late in the day he rallied and we took the 3 grumbling teens for short hike through the woods to a gorgeous overlook, with sweeping views of Lake Michigan and my favorite sight - the "line where blue meets blue" - seemingly endless blue water meeting the vivid blue sky. We took pictures (my youngest may not like hiking A WHOLE MILE but she can't resist a good instagram post), we talked and laughed and walked. On the way back the loop trail emerged from the dim woods into a sunny field, and as the sun hit us I thought, "yes, this is a bit like our day. Some cloudiness followed by times when I see the clearing." I see progress in our battle with this depression, and along with the tips written by other families, I'd add - take heart when you see the sun emerge, because it's a good sign. Encourage it. I truly believe brighter days are ahead.
Friday, July 10, 2015
Headed North!
Love the freedom of heading out for vacation! 2 weeks in the beautiful, soul-nurturing woods and lakes of Northern Michigan.... my true north. We get to re-set our compasses for the coming (school) year, and enjoy the beauty of the woods, the lakes, the beaches, the bike trails and the cherry orchards. I'm looking forward to coffee on the porch in the cool morning air, and wine on the patio in the evenings, fire pit roaring! Even the grouchy teenagers are in decent moods as we drive. And best of all, they are old enough to PACK FOR THEMSELVES!!! This is right up there with "potty-trained" and leaving them home alone for the first time. Asking them to be packed and ready and having them actually do it? That cut about, oh, a HUNDRED hours from my week. We're off!
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
True Love and Grief and Healing
Three meaningful experiences this week, each an earthly example of Romans 8:28.
1) my son's friend was hospitalized with a life-threatening brain infection. Very rare, very sudden, very scary. He was taken to the ER; flown to a children's medical center 200 miles away for specialized care; he will spend at least 3 more weeks in the hospital. Immediately the texts and facebook posts and prayer chains went out - he was in bad shape and if he recovered, would likely have mild to severe brain damage. That was less than one week ago and today that bright 13-year-old is asking his middle school friends to visit, working a Rubik's cube, and reciting European state capitals. According to his mom, the doctors are astounded at his recovery and his seemingly normal cognitive abilities. The power of prayer, people. I'm telling you it works! Healing is underway.
2) The shooting in Charleston. At church. During a Bible study. The loss of such Godly, kind and accepting people (they welcomed the shooter, a stranger, into their group for an hour before the killing began) is too much to bear. Yet there they were - the people of Charleston - arm in arm outside that same church singing and praying and grieving together, taking an evil act and transforming it into something good - people united in praise, and their desire to see love conquer evil. This weekend I got to visit the federal memorial at the site of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. The memorial grants an amazing and powerful experience. I was struck by the different elements of remembrance and hope; grief and healing. Most interesting to me was the entrance gate is marked "9:01" signifying the time of morning in which all was still normal. Then you enter the very beautiful and solemn memorial park - and learn that the bomb went off at 9:02. At the other end, a gate is etched "9:03" to signify the moment that "healing began." Wow. Immediately, people rushed in to help the survivors and the fallen. Healing began. Charleston seems much the same way - those families are in deep grief, but almost immediately, the community came together and - healing began.
3) The third experience was via the James Taylor channel, playing on XM radio. Can you say yay?? I loved the Billy Joel channel last fall and now I'm reliving so many memories with JT. I am a huge James Taylor fan - my memories of him begin early with my dad's 8-track player - I vividly remember the cover art (were those stickers??) on the 8-track of "Sweet Baby James." They continued through apparently college, because a later James Taylor song called "Never Die Young" came on and I was literally transported back in time! (I've since looked it up and the album was released in 1988). The words came to me immediately and I sang along, trying to place the feelings that the song stirred. Oh yes, I remember... young love. I could picture that young sweet couple he was singing about, and my dreams of being half of such a couple. It's about a boy and girl who were "glued together body and soul" despite a small town's cynicism and opinions that it couldn't last. I've now played this song about 20 times since I rediscovered it and it alternately brings tears (for dreams unrealized) and a smile at the innocence with which I used to dream and sing. I am at a crossroads in my marriage - deciding whether to trust God and perhaps find that healing can begin. If I can see Romans 8:28 (And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him) in my son's friend, and in Oklahoma City, and in Charleston, can I see it for myself? More importantly, for my husband? Will we will commit and work hard and discover a "love that we never could have dreamed of" - that it truly can be better and wonderful - or throw in the towel and find a different, easier path? To be determined. But maybe it's time to put a time stamp on the destruction and hurt, and believe that the time for healing is here.
Romans 8:28 is working in my heart and it's visible through my experiences this week. Let's see where God takes it.
1) my son's friend was hospitalized with a life-threatening brain infection. Very rare, very sudden, very scary. He was taken to the ER; flown to a children's medical center 200 miles away for specialized care; he will spend at least 3 more weeks in the hospital. Immediately the texts and facebook posts and prayer chains went out - he was in bad shape and if he recovered, would likely have mild to severe brain damage. That was less than one week ago and today that bright 13-year-old is asking his middle school friends to visit, working a Rubik's cube, and reciting European state capitals. According to his mom, the doctors are astounded at his recovery and his seemingly normal cognitive abilities. The power of prayer, people. I'm telling you it works! Healing is underway.
2) The shooting in Charleston. At church. During a Bible study. The loss of such Godly, kind and accepting people (they welcomed the shooter, a stranger, into their group for an hour before the killing began) is too much to bear. Yet there they were - the people of Charleston - arm in arm outside that same church singing and praying and grieving together, taking an evil act and transforming it into something good - people united in praise, and their desire to see love conquer evil. This weekend I got to visit the federal memorial at the site of the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. The memorial grants an amazing and powerful experience. I was struck by the different elements of remembrance and hope; grief and healing. Most interesting to me was the entrance gate is marked "9:01" signifying the time of morning in which all was still normal. Then you enter the very beautiful and solemn memorial park - and learn that the bomb went off at 9:02. At the other end, a gate is etched "9:03" to signify the moment that "healing began." Wow. Immediately, people rushed in to help the survivors and the fallen. Healing began. Charleston seems much the same way - those families are in deep grief, but almost immediately, the community came together and - healing began.
3) The third experience was via the James Taylor channel, playing on XM radio. Can you say yay?? I loved the Billy Joel channel last fall and now I'm reliving so many memories with JT. I am a huge James Taylor fan - my memories of him begin early with my dad's 8-track player - I vividly remember the cover art (were those stickers??) on the 8-track of "Sweet Baby James." They continued through apparently college, because a later James Taylor song called "Never Die Young" came on and I was literally transported back in time! (I've since looked it up and the album was released in 1988). The words came to me immediately and I sang along, trying to place the feelings that the song stirred. Oh yes, I remember... young love. I could picture that young sweet couple he was singing about, and my dreams of being half of such a couple. It's about a boy and girl who were "glued together body and soul" despite a small town's cynicism and opinions that it couldn't last. I've now played this song about 20 times since I rediscovered it and it alternately brings tears (for dreams unrealized) and a smile at the innocence with which I used to dream and sing. I am at a crossroads in my marriage - deciding whether to trust God and perhaps find that healing can begin. If I can see Romans 8:28 (And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love Him) in my son's friend, and in Oklahoma City, and in Charleston, can I see it for myself? More importantly, for my husband? Will we will commit and work hard and discover a "love that we never could have dreamed of" - that it truly can be better and wonderful - or throw in the towel and find a different, easier path? To be determined. But maybe it's time to put a time stamp on the destruction and hurt, and believe that the time for healing is here.
Romans 8:28 is working in my heart and it's visible through my experiences this week. Let's see where God takes it.
Sunday, June 14, 2015
Friendship
I live in a relatively small town where it's easy to get to know people, and that means I have a lot of friends. I've been extra thankful for them over the last 6 months. I have friends to call when my kids need rides (ballet/volleyball/basketball anyone?), when we're having a party, when I need a favor (extra tables for a recent garage sale), when I need a volunteer for a committee I'm chairing, or when I just want someone to come help me rearrange the furniture in my living room. I consider myself truly blessed to be surrounded by women who are smart and loving and talented and funny and each bring a special gift to my life. Importantly, they are part of my kids' lives too.
But I have a smaller, select group who are my go-to gals. In times of crisis, they answer texts and calls at 2 am. For real. There may have been a time when I would have told you that my husband was my best friend and that I didn't have time, as a working mother raising and nurturing a marriage and 3 children, to nurture friendships as well. But I would have been wrong, and I'm so glad that I took the time to build relationships with friends along the way -- because let me tell you that when your life takes an abrupt turn it's those girls who will have your back. And I don't mean "Girls Night Out" friends who dress up and go to the wine bar on Tuesdays to talk about shoes and wine and gripe about their husbands. I mean real friends - no gossip, no false personas. Real.
We've shared pots and pots and pots of coffee (ok, and the occasional margaritas and red wine, too) over celebrations (children starting kindergarten, baptisms, running our first marathon) and stresses (delays of a years-long adoption process; parents' illnesses; a son's autism; children's struggles in school; illness; marriage crises). I used to defend my extra tummy weight by thinking of all the lattes I'd shared commiserating and counseling over friends' problems. (Just made me a better friend, right?)
But then life hit me hard this winter when my husband was diagnosed with a mental illness. He slowly bottomed out, had a break down, and left me to handle a busy household and children and a business while he entered (long-overdue and much-needed) treatment. Depression, left unchecked too long, can be devastating to both the sufferer and those who love him (more on that another time).
I will tell you that my faith is the root of what got me through. It gave me a foundation and a purpose and something to hold in lonely times. But if God was my root, my friends were the blossoms on the plant.
They delivered groceries (I will never forget those bags delivered with grocery staples but also loaded with cherry turnovers, limeade, and Voortman's sugar wafers - in every flavor.) They sent scripture to me by text and email that landed on my phone screen at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT. They built me up in times of doubt and uncertainty, reminding me who I am (and whose I am). They prayed over me and for me. They gave me just what I needed - a reminder of myself as myself - one of the girls. They took me for lunches and dinners and coffees. Early-morning runs when I just wanted to stay in bed. My funniest friend stopped by and sat with me on the porch, telling funny stories and sharing neighborhood gossip ("you told me to just keep you laughing" she tells me).
I will tell my daughters - and actually my son, too - that friends are important in every stage of life. Their wisdom, perspective, loyalty and their differences all are important in the fabric of my life. We need them... for the celebrations, the difficulties, and just to share the ride.
But I have a smaller, select group who are my go-to gals. In times of crisis, they answer texts and calls at 2 am. For real. There may have been a time when I would have told you that my husband was my best friend and that I didn't have time, as a working mother raising and nurturing a marriage and 3 children, to nurture friendships as well. But I would have been wrong, and I'm so glad that I took the time to build relationships with friends along the way -- because let me tell you that when your life takes an abrupt turn it's those girls who will have your back. And I don't mean "Girls Night Out" friends who dress up and go to the wine bar on Tuesdays to talk about shoes and wine and gripe about their husbands. I mean real friends - no gossip, no false personas. Real.
We've shared pots and pots and pots of coffee (ok, and the occasional margaritas and red wine, too) over celebrations (children starting kindergarten, baptisms, running our first marathon) and stresses (delays of a years-long adoption process; parents' illnesses; a son's autism; children's struggles in school; illness; marriage crises). I used to defend my extra tummy weight by thinking of all the lattes I'd shared commiserating and counseling over friends' problems. (Just made me a better friend, right?)
I will tell you that my faith is the root of what got me through. It gave me a foundation and a purpose and something to hold in lonely times. But if God was my root, my friends were the blossoms on the plant.
They delivered groceries (I will never forget those bags delivered with grocery staples but also loaded with cherry turnovers, limeade, and Voortman's sugar wafers - in every flavor.) They sent scripture to me by text and email that landed on my phone screen at JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT. They built me up in times of doubt and uncertainty, reminding me who I am (and whose I am). They prayed over me and for me. They gave me just what I needed - a reminder of myself as myself - one of the girls. They took me for lunches and dinners and coffees. Early-morning runs when I just wanted to stay in bed. My funniest friend stopped by and sat with me on the porch, telling funny stories and sharing neighborhood gossip ("you told me to just keep you laughing" she tells me).
I will tell my daughters - and actually my son, too - that friends are important in every stage of life. Their wisdom, perspective, loyalty and their differences all are important in the fabric of my life. We need them... for the celebrations, the difficulties, and just to share the ride.
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